I am Nashoba, i am nameless
by Neko.love.mew
Summary: Nashoba is a 16 year old girl. This story tells as she finds out about how to deal with her depression and realises her name means much more than she first thought


_AN:Hi, okay im not new to writing, but i am new to letting people read my stuff. this is just the first few chapters, i havnt written in sooo long and would love your feed back, negative or good. _

_This is kinda confusing the way i have written it, if you dont get just dont strain yourself. It is hard at first to understand but im hoping that you will grasp what is going on in my story. _

_I know its supposed to be fanfic, but im not confidint to publish any of my stuff like that just yet. Let alone type it up. THANK YOU for reading, if you do, it means alot, please read and leave me a review plzzz._

_. if you think my writings horrible i dont mind, just tell me. i feel that way too sometimes._

**nameless **

**Chapter one**

**Chaos, sleep and a thing called happiness.**

_Half the time, i feel nothing. Fake smiles, laughs fill my day. _

_I am never truely happy, i dont renember the feeling, _

_i know i use to feel it, use to smile._

_Now its gone, the space there is left empty, alone, cold._

_I dont renember when it happend but i know it did._

_I was once happy, the faint tickles of memories hint of better times._

_Most nights i lay awake for hours, i never really sleep. _

_When i do its full of vibrent nightmears, screams, choas._

_Tonight is one of those nights._

_I can feel the lack of sleep starting to nub at my sainty slowly, its almost like a thick blanket,sufforcating._

_I know if i sleep the nightmears will come, vibrent, haunting, sickning. _

_When i'm lying there, i watch them creep closer, they move slowly over my consince._

_I feel screams starting to grip in my throat, i cant realse them, i swallow them. _

_The shower helps, it makes the nightmears fade away, only even for a minute. _

_I sit on the floor letting the hot warter scold my skin, the water is never hot enough though. _

_I look up, unblinking as the water burns my eyes, searching for something, but nothing is there._

_I feel lost, numb, heavy._

_I close my eyes, the bright light turns my lids red, i start to fade._

_My reality fades, i panic as my body wont wake up, im frozen, dark, alone._

_I feel the water drums on my skin, matches to my pules, mocking, laughing._

_My body wont move, i am stuck while my body sleeps, its deaf againts my pleas._

_I sit there, eyes closed, sleep invades me. The water turns cold, icy._

_It starts to tingle, like burning, i feel awake but my nightmares hold me in, deciving me. _

_I wake, my body jerks, contracrts, sweet, a scream unheard over the showers thunder._

_I pull my self up, out, cold shivering, crying. _

_I turn the shower of, wraping the towl around me, hollow._

_Fear is gone._

_I pull on my pajamas, warmth. I do my ritural._

_I turn on my fan, my blanket, and plument my self into darkness, endless cahos...sleep._

_**Chapter two**_

_**Morings, names and girls who dont shut up.**_

_Its always to bright in the moring, i squint, hideing._

_I always wake up at the same time, confused, startled. _

_It lasts moments, dark, confusing moments where i cant recall what has scared me. _

_But thats when i userly renember, mysterious glimps of dreams i never recall. _

_But always awake terrifide. _

_I had conserlous, phsycritrists, docters, nothing, no one can explain. _

_I have been asked if i was raped, assulted, abused, no._

_no,no,no. So many times i say that answer, so many times they tell me they dont know, _

_exercise, healthy food, relax, its their anwer, everytime._

_And everytime there wrong, i cruel up underneath the covers, my blankets on three still, it burns the colder part of my body. It feels safe, not dangerous, but fear still shakes me. _

_I move getting up, dressed, cleaned. I turn the blanket of, yawning, stumberling, tired._

_I know i shouldn't be tired, i have sleept ten hours, but i can't hold my eyelids open. dark, groggy,late._

_I rush out the door, scolding my self for not staying awake, floping onto the bed, passing out. _

_It was not a good idea, my first day back, friends, teachers, Fathers, I was in trouble._

_I walk up the steps t__o__ home room, its loud, people, old, new, familar talking, no shouting._

_I walk into the room, nerveous, alone. I panic as, no one will be in here that i know, alone._

_"__Nashoba!", __my name, i look, i see him. I smile, false, wave. No one has called me that in awhile._

_Naho, or Shibi, not Nashoba, it means wolf in Native american, i never desired to find ot which one, my Father liked the name, thats it, stuck, a wolf. __ "__Hi, how are you?", __his voice broke through my toughts, anoyed, snaped. __"fine, yourself?", it seemed curt, rude, unlike my mask. He falterd, "umm, good thankyou, sorry i forgot and called you bye full name, i guess i forgot in my shock, i thought you were waging...".__ Blah blah blah. It never ends, when will he shut up, cold, distant, tired. __"sorry jimmy, im tired and i can see Lee, im going to go talk to her, okay?", __To polite, stuipid, boy. I turned not hearing him stumble over his reply. I cursed myslelf again, dark, stupid, yourself, not the boy._

_Shelly, Shelly, Bitch, Cow. Smile, im supposed to smile, dosnt come, stupid girl. "__Hi Nashoba!", __only her, she was only aloud to utter my name, close, only person ever to be so close, lee._

_"Hey, sorry im late, sleeped in" . __Why she is friends will Shelly, i dont know, anger, hate, grudge. She is such a stupid girl. " __Oh hi, Nutso...i mean Nashoba, how are you....?", __More blah blah blah, god she never shuts up, so stupid, her words dont hurt, my ribs do, Lee pulls a face behind her, my first real laugh in a long time. "__Shelly, will you shut up, your such a stuipid girl,". __Silince, then laughter, shelly leaves, bitching the hole way, god she never shuts up._


End file.
